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Phone Sex: Television, Sex Symbols and Stereotypes
June 16, 2008 - 7:55am — Michelle Wolff
[In response to Diana Cage's Phone Sex question: "As an out actress, how does it feel to be a lesbian sex symbol? We have so few hot dykes on TV to lust after that every time you play a cop, a detective or an EMT in a primetime series, lesbian hearts go pitter pat. Would you want to see more dykes in traditionally masculine roles or do you think it’s reinforcing stereotypes?"]
Well, thanks for the compliment, Diana! It is always an ego boost to be called a sex symbol.
I have to start with saying that I am very lucky to be able to have a job that I absolutely love and have a great passion for. The idea of doing it anyway, but as an out lesbian, was just never an option for me. A) It has been very important for me to support the community that has always been there for me, and B) Someone would have outed me in a second anyway. Ha. Seriously, I do love getting e-mails and MySpace messages from fans who not only enjoy the work I do, but appreciate that I am doing it out and proud.
Women get crushes on actresses all the time, but it is different when the actress is an out lesbian. I think it is easier to feel not only an attraction, but a bond as well. Maybe it is just easier to fantasize when you know they sleep with girls in real life too; I don't know. That being said, I do think that women cross boundaries a little more often when they know you are gay as well. It's as if, because there is that connection, they feel entitled to be inappropriate at times. Wow, do I have some stories! But I must say that, in general, it is great getting the attention and love from the ladies. It is always a validation when people think you are sexy, but again, if that is all they appreciate about you, then it can be a bit of a double-edged sword. I would like to think they enjoy my work. But hey, if sexy is all I can get, then so be it. One must take what one can get, right?
When I look at TV programming, I am pleased that there are so many more lesbian roles now then just five or 10 years ago. And of course I love seeing more out actresses in those roles. I want to see more out actresses in general, playing gay or straight. I want lesbians playing any and all roles. The more the better, as far as I'm concerned. I think there is room and an audience for all of it. I would like to think we are beyond the stereotypes at this point. Just because a character is more masculine or more feminine, it is not necessary to classify it as a stereotype. I know growing up I wanted Kelly Garrett to be gay way before I wanted Sabrina Duncan to come out. That was just a personal preference. I wanted Christine Cagney to be gay, but more because I wanted to be like her and less because I wanted to sleep with her. They might have been stereotypes, but they were straight characters that could have easily been written as gay characters. I look forward to those characters being on TV more and more in the future.
Bring on the masculine stereotypical roles! There will always be actresses that will be brilliant. Just as there are the actresses who are right for the high-femme lesbian roles and everything in between. Would I want more of those roles to be played by out actresses? Yes. But, honestly, the fact that there are great actresses playing gay roles is what is most important. The quality of the filmmaking, great stories with great characters, is what is most important.
So, my question goes to Linda Fusco, whose event company puts on the hottest and sexiest lesbian nightclubs and parties in Los Angeles. There are women who drive for hours and wait in long lines to get into your parties. You seem to know exactly what the women want. Why are you so successful, and how are the lesbian clubs different from the gay boy and straight clubs? There are also some pretty crazy things that go on, from dyke relationship drama to full on hook-ups on the dance floor. What is it about the nightclub scene that makes the lesbians act out? You have probably seen it all. Can you share a few of those hot/crazy/sexy stories? No names, but inquiring minds…
[Check back next Monday for Linda's answer.]
Well, thanks for the compliment, Diana! It is always an ego boost to be called a sex symbol.
I have to start with saying that I am very lucky to be able to have a job that I absolutely love and have a great passion for. The idea of doing it anyway, but as an out lesbian, was just never an option for me. A) It has been very important for me to support the community that has always been there for me, and B) Someone would have outed me in a second anyway. Ha. Seriously, I do love getting e-mails and MySpace messages from fans who not only enjoy the work I do, but appreciate that I am doing it out and proud.
Women get crushes on actresses all the time, but it is different when the actress is an out lesbian. I think it is easier to feel not only an attraction, but a bond as well. Maybe it is just easier to fantasize when you know they sleep with girls in real life too; I don't know. That being said, I do think that women cross boundaries a little more often when they know you are gay as well. It's as if, because there is that connection, they feel entitled to be inappropriate at times. Wow, do I have some stories! But I must say that, in general, it is great getting the attention and love from the ladies. It is always a validation when people think you are sexy, but again, if that is all they appreciate about you, then it can be a bit of a double-edged sword. I would like to think they enjoy my work. But hey, if sexy is all I can get, then so be it. One must take what one can get, right?
When I look at TV programming, I am pleased that there are so many more lesbian roles now then just five or 10 years ago. And of course I love seeing more out actresses in those roles. I want to see more out actresses in general, playing gay or straight. I want lesbians playing any and all roles. The more the better, as far as I'm concerned. I think there is room and an audience for all of it. I would like to think we are beyond the stereotypes at this point. Just because a character is more masculine or more feminine, it is not necessary to classify it as a stereotype. I know growing up I wanted Kelly Garrett to be gay way before I wanted Sabrina Duncan to come out. That was just a personal preference. I wanted Christine Cagney to be gay, but more because I wanted to be like her and less because I wanted to sleep with her. They might have been stereotypes, but they were straight characters that could have easily been written as gay characters. I look forward to those characters being on TV more and more in the future.
Bring on the masculine stereotypical roles! There will always be actresses that will be brilliant. Just as there are the actresses who are right for the high-femme lesbian roles and everything in between. Would I want more of those roles to be played by out actresses? Yes. But, honestly, the fact that there are great actresses playing gay roles is what is most important. The quality of the filmmaking, great stories with great characters, is what is most important.
So, my question goes to Linda Fusco, whose event company puts on the hottest and sexiest lesbian nightclubs and parties in Los Angeles. There are women who drive for hours and wait in long lines to get into your parties. You seem to know exactly what the women want. Why are you so successful, and how are the lesbian clubs different from the gay boy and straight clubs? There are also some pretty crazy things that go on, from dyke relationship drama to full on hook-ups on the dance floor. What is it about the nightclub scene that makes the lesbians act out? You have probably seen it all. Can you share a few of those hot/crazy/sexy stories? No names, but inquiring minds…
[Check back next Monday for Linda's answer.]
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8 Comments
Wow...this is my life.
Thank you Michelle for your very honest observations. I truly appreciate them.
My ex is an actress She is on the "A" list. We were in a committed relationship for 17 years, and everyday was/is a struggle for her. She is not out. Our friends and families, of course, were aware of our relationship. However, the worst offenders were/are her manager and both of her agents. They are brutal people. Threatening.
Coming out has never been an option for her. I understood and respected that wish, despite the stress on myself, her and our relationship.
I've always felt that honesty is imperative , if for nothing else, self preservation. But, in the TV and Film Industry..... it is how you are perceived by " Middle America" that can make or break your career.... agents and studios know this. They can be very persuasive. Even though she is one of the most awesome actresses ever, and has the awards to prove it, she will never be an "out" actress. Ever.
I work in Hollywood, I see this everyday... on nearly every shoot. We know who the lesbians and gay guys are...but, it is imperative that we respect the privacy of those who's lives require them to be discreet.
My Ex is an awesome actress. Guy's wanna fuck her and girls wanna be her.
I think that it's okay if girls want to grow up to be like her, straight or lesbian. They should be so lucky, to grow up and be beautiful,intelligent, compassionate,sensitive and brilliant. I'm just not so sure that it's important for anyone to know that she's a lesbian. Would that make her a better actress or expand her roles.....I think not. Believe me, we spent countless YEARS discussing this very subject.
Michelle, don't you think it's impossible to please everyone?? Not to discredit your candor or honesty, but being an actress... who happens to be a lesbian... you know that the roles are the same.... regardless. You can play straight, gay or in between. That's what being an actress is all about. I personally feel that the public doesn't own you... and that you owe the lesbian community nothing. A role model?? That pressure would be daunting for anyone.
I would certainly feel better if our lesbian role models came in the form of
Doctors,Scientists,Engineers,Teachers,Ministers and those people who touch the lives of children , everyday. Real life role models.
Actors and actresses entertain with stories that ...make us laugh,cry or deliver us from our mundane lives. Unfortunately, through my experience, I've seen that so many actresses never are fulfilled in their own lives because of the publics need to have them fulfill THEIR lives and THEIR fantasies. I am a testament to how painful that can be, and even more painfully....my Ex sleeps alone with her fame every night.
Maybe I'm just tainted...... but, between attending Award Shows with our "boyfriends" and faking it in front of the asshole "paparazzi", being out can be a nightmare for many actors, if not all. The LGBTQ community should leave lesbian and gay actors alone. Sometimes WE are the worst offenders..... wanting to "out" people like it is some sort of a tribal right that the "community" deserves. Believe me, public "ownership" of an actresses soul is not in anyone's best interest..... except maybe Entertainment Tonight.
Peace&Love ;-))
Blog
I thought you wrote an excellent blog plus the one you just wrote about Vancouver. I was a TV producer for CBS Television in the late 50's and early 60's at a time when the closet was much more crowded. I remember hollywood making Van Johnson and Keenan Wynn get married so people wouldn't know they were gay. In those days the studios controlled the lives of the actors who were under contract to the studio. When Sammy Davis wanted to marry blond Elke Sommer, the head of the studio had the mafia tell him he would never be found again. I spent a lot of time with Leonard Bernstein who was bisexual and all of his broadway shows were written when he was in his "gay" phase. I think i go back a little further than you but your comments are very astute and right on the money. Unfortunately most of the people that read these blogs are in middle america and your intelligent insights are misunderstood. But, please keep trying. it's a pleasure to read your comments and i would like to add you as a friend. I thought it was great when they had alex hedison play straight and Rachel Shelly the lesbian on the L word. times have changed somewhat but not nearly enough. peace and grace, mimi
Progress
I think it does increase acceptance - slowly. I've always had the belief if any message is out there enough, eventually people will get the message. Of course, this can work either way. People generally fear what they don't know. But lately, I have been reading more positive stories in the news and it makes me so elated. Although I am elated at positive news, I am always cautiously optimistic and expect any progress to be taken away by the gov't.
Progress won't happen overnight and will still take one person at a time. People have to un-learn their intolerance and hatred. And that won't happen unless the message is out there all the time. Hopefully more people will stand up in every day life for who they are and what they believe in. I love when non queer people stand up for me. It makes me all warm and fuzzy :-D
For example - I was chatting with a woman who is straight and a devout christian. She picked up TLW at a video store, not knowing it was a lesbian series and watched the pilot. She became engrossed with the characters and it gave her a different outlook and in time, completely changed her view.
I am always curious if an actress is a lesbian if they are playing one. I have no definitive answer to why I want to know, except curiousity. I really don't care if an actress is gay or straight as long as she cares about the role and not because it's popular or sweeps week! I've seen many lesbians in film and tv where the actress was so not into the role. That kills the entire movie or episode for me.
PeaceKitty - I agree with the alcohol, but I also think it has to do with the fact it is a sort of safe space (except when there are multiple ex's there...) where you are free to be queer and it's not an issue.
Doh.. this was supposed to be a reply to Peace's post.
Thanks for the blog
Thanks for the blog Michelle, you bring up some good discussion points. A question came to mind as I read your comments about there being more lesbian roles on television and in film. It sure makes us happy, but does it increase the overall social acceptance of homosexuality?
I used to think so but now I'm not so sure. After Ellen, Will and Grace, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and others featured gay characters I began to believe that society was becoming more accepting. Then after the 2004 election there was a backlash from the conservative Right. People flocked to vote for the ban on gay marriage in 13 states, and you wouldn't believe the hateful editorials that turned up in the newspapers condemning gays. What a wake-up call that was. I just wonder how much of an influence television has on the minds of the mainstream public in terms of gay rights. I'm interested in what others think.
Finally you asked, "What is it about the nightclub scene that makes the lesbians act out?"
One word: Alcohol :)
hey hon, mmm now wondering ...
is your last line a observation or
a personal experience?
lol ;)
o, and mmm Alcohol
(Martini Bianco - only alcohol i drink)
only makes me slow(er)!
it don't loosen me up
Cheers
winks
-------------
float & fly
B-Yourself
Frankly, I'm less interested
Frankly, I'm less interested in how gay roles affect mainstream society and more interested in the fact that those gay characters/roles DO make me happy because I had to grow up with no overtly gay characters and no out gay and lesbian actors in television and the movies. Sometimes there was a subtext for gay characters but that certainly wasn't enough. I deserve and want even more now.
Thanks Michelle for being out because I know it still isn't easy in Hollywood.
I agree with Minniesota54!
It can't be easy being out, but I truly appreciate that you are! I'm just sayin'.....
I agree about the alcohol
although there are probably other drugs involved as well.
It's hard to tell how the mainstream reacts to the presence of gays and lesbians, both as actors and as characters, on TV. I think it depends upon how we are presented as much as anything. Ellen Degeneres has taken us a long way, more because of her gentle, loving humor, how genuine she is with her guests and the fact that she is upbeat, funny and, let's face it, a real dyke. Will and Grace and Queer Eye (and for that matter Queer as Folk) may have had a negative effect but I'm not sure how we would know that. One thing that also influenced the mainstream uprising around the 2004 election was that the conservatives needed to divert attention from the travesties in Iraq. They needed to fire up their constituents over something else. If you recall, as soon as the flurry of controversy over gay marriage died down, they picked on the next group that gets tossed into the fray--illegal immigrants (no, not the white ones, it seems to be about the ones who speak Spanish). I wouldn't be surprised if the conservatives will use similar method to help bump up the survey points for McCain in this election. I call it the, "let's see, who shall we hate today?" strategy.
I also would like to know what others think about this.
Lezbeth